__ the coconut scratch orchestra __
The Lingo
Part of the nonsense surrounding the apparent origin of the C.S.O. from a small fictional island in the Pacific involved the invention of a language. Umfaloan is a very incomplete and grammatically dubious language, but for entertainment I lay out below a complete glossary of Umfaloan terms established so far. Never again perhaps can one Coconuteer mutter 'esa pilocha' to another and hope not to be understood.
It seems a good place to start by outlining a translation of the words that every young Umfaloan learns to bellow at the top of their voice with pride; those of the national anthem Bosh Isa. A short clip from Ben's studio recording can be heard here.
Below this you will find the Umfaloan numbers which only go up to 999 (it is a very small island), and then the complete but somewhat limited Umfaloan dictionary. The pronunciation guides are not in true phonetics but are hopefully decipherable, and the pronunciation of Bosh Isa can be gleaned from the Essential Words and Phrases section.
Learn the golden tongue of Umfaloa
Speak english you fool
Bosh isa bosh isa n basan cosh isa ban
Spank me spank me and have your way with me
Abs āsa epung vum lo Umfaloa
These words we hear each day in Umfaloa
Weh usa nass tuc um abs usa ib bonus tevena
If you don't know these words you are a big tit
Che see aban um abs ooah
For here these are the words of love
The Numbers
Count like a coconut
Count like the BBC
ib - (rhymes with 'dib')
one
dib
two
jiglos - (pron. jig-loss)
three
bols
four
efh - (pron. 'efth'.. this tastes awful!)
five
ring
six
gass
seven
hass
eight
bob
nine
iben - (rhymes with gibbon)
ten
iben-ib
eleven
iben-dib
twelve
iben-jiglos
thirteen
and so on... (n n - 'and and' in Umfaloan)
diben
twenty
jiglosen
thirty
boben
ninety
ibash
one hundred
dibash
two hundred
n n...
Hopefully this now means that you can now understand bolsash-efhen-bob as four hundred and fifty-nine. If so, pour yourself a congratulatory drink.. most Umfaloans are a little rusty beyond 300.
Tongue in the Sun
Tongue in the rain
abanen - (ab-ban-un)
to be
abs - (rhymes with labs)
word(s)
absan - (abs-un)
to talk
āsa - (ace-uh)
we
aiya - (aye-yah)
hurrah
ban
freedom / the right of the individual to be outrageous and have a damn good time
basan - (rhymes with gas...)
to get / to have /
to get to have
bonus - (as in english)
great / of luxurious proportion
boshan - (bosch-un)
to spank
cha - (like char without the r)
shit
chaawa - (rhymes with wah-wah)
thick skin; hide of a large animal
che - (rhymes with they)
because
coshan - (rhymes with boshan)
to make good use of
epungan - (a-pungan)
hear / listen
esa - (rhymes with greaser)
he / she / they / it
ewlus - (ool-us)
orifice
isa - (rhymes with spicer)
I
lo
in
marchanto
vocal percussion / general oral imitation of instruments
n - ('nn')
and
n n
and so on
nass - (rhymes with gas)
no / not / (negative)
pah - (short)
'God'
pilo - (pee-loh)
full of
pung - (like a plucked string)
sound / music
pungan
make music / sound
ray
rear
re - (ree.. with rolled r)
yes
see - (zee)
here
smulinga - (smoo-ling-ah)
stink(ing)
tevena - (teh-vein-ah)
tit
um - (rhymes with the first syllable of woman)
the / these
vum - (rhymes with um)
daily / can imply endless tedium ('vum vum vum' - day after day after..)
wangan
to take a leak. Various inflections reflect the urgency of the situation
weh - (way)
if
Gor that? Limited the vocabulary may be but a surprising amount can be said. Perhaps now you can comprehend the following :-
"Um chapung esa absan aban vum vum n smulinga."
"Re. Wehnass esa nasspung isa basan ban esa!"
If your understanding matches the english below then you are automatically granted a visa to the beautiful island of Umfaloa. If not, then you can at least take away the gift of being able to curse at your boss while being almost certain that they won't understand and fire you.
"The racket of that lot talking is most tedious and unpleasant."
"Yes. If they don't shut up I'm going to have my most outrageous way with them!"
The Story The Band The Lingo
Art and Words The Record
all artwork and audio on this site © 2002 Ben Willmott, all rights reserved.
© 2002
Ben Willmott
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